Showing posts with label People Who Inspire Me. Show all posts
Showing posts with label People Who Inspire Me. Show all posts

Wednesday, September 30, 2026

An Update (and some good freakin' poetry!)

 


Remember last September when my dad fell in the shower? Well things haven't been the same since. He was hospitalized in November of 2025 until December 3, 2025. And then he had walking pneumonia and was admitted for the weekend in January 2026. But I am happy to announce that my dad is seeing a neurologist at the VA. And he is going to be checked for Parkinson's. Parkinson's runs in our family. My grandpa Jim had it. My grandma Donna had it for a long time before she passed away in 2015. And I have an older cousin who has Parkinson's and he was using alcohol to numb the tremors. 

He goes to the VA in October so I am praying we'll have answers as to what the heck happened to my dad?! It's not easy watching a parent grow older and become essentially a weak verison of themselves. It's scary to watch your dad slowly die because of Agent Orange and being addicted to cigarettes (but hey, we all have our vices). 

I have been hard at work helping around the house. I am my mom's CNA. My mom is "Doctor Mom" from the Robitussin commercials in the 1980s and early 90s.

It just feels like I've been placed on a curse because I wronged a witch (even though she got to come with us and meet Jordan Knight and the rest of the New Kids On The Block!). So I am rebuking her curse. I got Jesus and God and Mother Mary and Mary Magdalene. 

Meanwhile, I've had three hospitalizations in the psych ward between July and August. I'm now in the process of filing for disability. I plan on supporting whatever SSD doesn't cover by working part-time. Either as a writer or my new service: life coaching. 

"Life coaching? But your life sucks! You live in a tiny shack on the bad side of Burton, Michigan!" Thank you for the comment, brain!

My life doesn't suck at all. Matter of fact, I have been happy with it (maybe a little too extremely happy with it as I was hyper manic and went into psychosis again). I've got a man who likes me. I've got food. I've got shelter. I've got clothes. I've got an extended family that loves the crap out of me. And my man's mother loves me. She called me an angel the other day because I brought her over a regular can of Coke. Steve is diabetic and tends to only drink Coke Zero. So I snuck over a regular coke and she was so happy. She always misses me and she genuinely cares about me.  

I am grateful for my life. I'm grateful for my parents. God gave me the best :-P Even though I thought they admitted me into the hospital the last time I was there in Grand Rapids Michigan. 

My friend on the psych ward in Grand Rapids, who was also my neighbor, says I should write about the psych ward experience. Being in here 3 times. Maybe someday I'll write about it. I just don't want to get sued or anything *snickers*. 

I tell you, Grand Rapids looks better and better every day. Not in the psych ward. But they have a lot of resources for disabled people. More resources than Genesee County. Maybe someday, me and Steve can live in Baldwin or Grand Rapids on our farm / horse ranch. Did I just say that out loud?! Oh myyyyy. Hell, there is little evidence that Steve is going to marry me someday. There's little evidence that we are boyfriend/girlfriend or man and woman friends lol. Right now, we both have a lot on our plate. He's becoming a grandfather for the first time. He's trying to become a sobriety coach because he believes he is Superman and he has a purpose. And you know what? He is Superman. And he's He-Man. I am Teela. And I am Supergirl. Joey McIntyre wrote that song about me! LOL (just kidding! I'm sure he wrote that song for his wife). 

Steve earned a new nickname in the ward as I was getting mad at him for no reason at all. And I would call him "King Dorkus" or "King Dorkus of Nowyorkas." He doesn't deserve that nickname. But I like it because it rhymes and it reminds me of the old cartoon The Critic.  The episode where Sherman has a date with an actress and she ends up just using him for a good review on her newest movie. "Beauty and King Dork". That's what I meant to call us. I am beauty and he is King Dork. LOL.   And that pretty much escaped me the whole two weeks I was at Pine Rest. 

Did I tell you about the "kid" (he was like 19 or 20) and I thought he looked like Harry Styles?! He would give me the evil eye because I kept cracking up laughing at him because he looked like Harry Styles. And I honestly thought he spoke a British accent LMAOROFL!

And then not to mention this: VAN ANDEL LOAD THIS VIOLET (violent unit in my head) UNIT! GO GREEN! (I seriously thought they were starting a war between Michigan and Michigan State fans) 🤣🤣🤣

And the person shouting out that code...he sounded so pissed off! LMAOROFL. Because it might have been AI or some stupid crap like that.

Ugh it's 1:46 AM and I am trying to tire myself out. So here I am, writing a nonsense post about the psych ward and my dad and how much time has already passed. I missed summer pretty much because I was hospitalized. No walking to the ice cream parlor for banana splits with Steve. No lavender field trips. But the time I did get to spend with Steve in between hospitalizations...was beautiful. I love being at his house. His mom is fun to talk to and is more of a mother to me than my own mom. And it's because she's also bipolar. And she goes to therapy and is always doing the work. When I first met her, after me and Steve's first date, she gave me some great advice that I needed to hear. She told me "STOP MAKING EXCUSES FOR OTHER PEOPLE". I have yet to embody that advice. But I am taking it to heart because she knows. And Steve has a heart of gold, but sometimes I wonder if he just tolerates me and I just make excuses for him for having such a heavy plate. 

Anywho...here are some poems I've written over the summer in between being home and being hospitalized. Enjoy! And gold star ⭐for everyone who continues to read!

Wednesday, September 23, 2026

Why "Elizabeth Taylor" by Taylor Swift is MAH JAM!

 


"Elizabeth Taylor" by Taylor Swift is me. This is the ultimate revenge song, in my humble opinion. Now while I cannot speak on the actual Elizabeth Taylor as I don't know very much about her other than she was Michael Jackson's biggest supporter, and she did great things for AIDS. And she was in one of my favorite classic movies, "Father of the Bride-parts one and two". And young women and womxn, I highly suggest watching either the remake or the 1950s versions with your dad or father figure. And heck, even us middle age babes should sit down with our father figures while they are still here and watch it.


But we're getting off the subject! 


I'm going to dissect her lyrics and explain how they correlate to my life in some ambiguous and vague way.


Ooh, oftentimes it doesn't feel so glamorous to be me

It's not glamorous at all to be me. So take your daggers of jealousy and place them at a more stupid figure (LIKE DONALD TRUMP!)


And if your letters ever said, "Goodbye"...

I'd cry my eyes violet

Elizabeth Taylor

Tell me for real

Do you think it's forever?

Been number one but I never had two

And I can't have fun if I can't have...

Be my NY when Hollywood hates me

You're only as hot as your last hit, baby

I been number one but I never had two

And I can't have fun if I can't have... you

This is morse code for me for Steve. He is NY while Hollywood is Genesee County, Michigan and Michigan in general.


Hey, what could you possibly get for the girl who has everything and nothing all at once?

Babe, I would trade the Cartier for someone to trust... just kidding

We hit the best booth at Musso & Frank's

They say I'm bad news, I just say, "Thanks"

And you look at me like you're hypnotized

And I think you know why

And if you ever leave me high and dry

*PRIVATE THOUGHT HERE* I'm not even going to explain this lyric!


All my white diamonds and lovers are forever

In the papers, on the screen and in their minds

All my white diamonds and lovers are forever

My lovers are forever because our souls intertwined when we had sex/made love. That's what happens when you sleep around and mess with other people's energy! Energy IS REAL! You may not be able to see it, but vibes, feelings, emotional debris...it's all there. It's why I now refuse to let clients handle my tarot cards. And why I'm making them sign a contract before they get a reading from me. And I will be getting my clients way better too! Christian Purity culture in the '90s stole the movement from witchcraft/Paganism. It's why I was celibate for 5 years before me and Steve slept together.


Now why do I say it's a revenge song? Because Taylor got her happily ever after with Travis Kelce! People hate on Taylor and Travis because they are a straight, rich, and famous WHITE COUPLE. And honestly, they don't HAVE TO GIVE A FLYING FUCK ABOUT ANYONE BUT THEMSELVES AND THEIR INNER CIRCLE!


Class dismissed!


Wednesday, June 17, 2026

Welcome to New York (or the 9th floor of the county building)

 


My life feels like a Taylor Swift song right now. Or rather, two specific Taylor Swift albums. 1989 with a touch of Red. 

People say you're supposed to outgrow this stuff. But you see, me and Taylor Swift have been living in parallel lives. We have both felt heartbreak, been in love with people on the football team, felt like "pick me" girls, and of course, have been complete badasses on our own terms.

I recently quit my tarot business. For good. I just don't have the passion for reading tarot for others anymore as I did before. So I am pivoting, probably for the nine billionth time in my life. I recently applied for a public sector job. I have the interview this Thursday, the 18th. 

"Welcome to New York" by Taylor Swift from the 1989 album, is the song that sums up life right now. I'm healing. I'm changing gears from solo work to structured environments. I honestly thought that my day being in a structured environment was over. While I loved the freedom of being my own boss, nothing beats financial independence. After all, I am an old-school feminist. I am grateful to those who fought for me to even have a job in the first place. I'm grateful for my right to vote. I'm grateful for being able to wear pants!

I have a lot of goals and dreams for myself. I want to get my license (yes, I've decided to try to get my license). I want to take over my parents' house when they are gone and call this house my cozy cottage, with my two cats. And maybe a dog. I want to plant wildflowers in my front yard. And in the backyard, I want to have a vegetable garden. Now, I've never gardened in my life. But it does interest me. I've always loved flowers. Receiving them from a special guy makes me happy. But now that I am single (fully single) and will probably be single for the foreseeable future (although my astrologer says otherwise), I want to buy myself flowers. And I will plant them! 

Because I love myself. I am beautiful. You should see this spicy selfie I took of myself the other day. I loved my hair, my eyes, my smile. I looked so happy. While I may not have the perfect body, I truly am a goddess in my eyes. I know few people will agree with me, but I see it. I finally see it. And it only took 20 years.
Saucy Samantha smiling for the camera
Saucy craboo.



And I know I can be confident in my career. What happened in my career in my 20s and 30s does not own me anymore. And yes, I am autistic. Yes, I have a learning disability in math. Yes, I am bipolar. Yes, I am more emotional than logical. But that doesn't stop me anymore. I will not let people yelling at me scare me anymore. I'm going to learn how to tame my Aries moon. I get confrontational easily, but I'm biting my tongue now unless I need to.

We only get one life, and Taylor Swift is always getting shit talked about her. And all she is doing is being herself. And she's not apologizing for it anymore. I am going to be fearless. And maybe one day, my person will come and let me shine and appreciate me. Or maybe not. Maybe I just do my thing. Be my own girl boss 🤣.

Yes, I've had pivots in life. And there were times I was hard on myself. I didn't love myself or value myself, and sought it out in other people. No more.

And funny thing. I re-read my poetry book, GROWTH: A Healing Journey of Poetry and Prose. And when I read that book from front to back, I remembered who the hell I was. 

It's difficult to get here. And I'm thankful for the person who saw me first, before I even noticed them. And I'm thankful that I finally saw it in myself.

Oh, and also, me and Taylor Swift and I do have the same initials...ST TS. I joke that I am her and she is me in a parallel universe. The only difference is her middle name is Alison and my middle name is Jean.

And because I'm not going to just talk about physical looks, I love how my mind works. I can see both sides of a coin. I'm smart as heck about some stuff that goes over people's minds. I can write!

Wednesday, May 6, 2026

Celebrating One Year of Blogging: My Favorite Posts from 2025-2026

 

I can't believe that on Thursday, May 7th, it will be one year since I started blogging. While my Queen of Swords tarot blog didn't last, this one did. And this is the blog I am most proud of because it displays all facets of my writing. I write poetry and share my prose/essays. I recently hit 7300 viewers in my first year. April was the best month ever with reaching 1,006 views. 

I would like to reflect on my favorite blog posts from the past year. So if you're new here, these posts are worth checking out! Let's get out the champagan (remember Futurama?) and celebrate!

One Year Later: A Letter to Hospitalized Me from One Year Later Me

Summary: This was a poem/letter I wrote to myself on the anniversary of my 2024 suicide attempt. It's a raw and emotional piece. My favorite line was this: 

All of your struggles will not be in vain

Your voice is heard and you matter


Last week, I had a pity party because I shared something I wrote from The Breaking Strain on Instagram and my personal Facebook page. No one commented. Not even a "this sucks". My books don't have many reviews, not even 1-star reviews. I should be grateful for no negative feedback, but silence is a writers worst fear. More than rejection. More than criticism. Silence means nothing landed. People felt indifferent. And this was exactly the same type of silence I was experiencing before my suicide attempt on the night of June 13, 2024. The only thing different is I am not lighting the fuse to self-destruct. I caught myself before spiraling. Eventually, I found solace in Neely O'Hara (Patty Duke) in Valley of the Dolls and picked up my copy of Valley of the Dolls novel and started reading it for the first time. I cried, and then I went to sleep. The next day, I felt better. I woke up to good news on my blog that confirms the last line about my voice being heard. My voice is being heard!


How My Elementary School Teacher Inspired Me to Become a Writer

Summary: In this blog post, I talk about how my elementary school teacher, Mrs. Jill Welch, encouraged my writing and made me notice the author career path. Mrs. Welch is still my favorite teacher and person to this day. This is the most popular post I have ever written to date on this blog. When I showed this blog to Mrs. Welch, she felt elated and flattered. She told me it made her morning when she read it. Mrs. Welch is one of those special souls kids are lucky and blessed to encounter. She makes everyone feel special with her kindness and inclusivity philosophy. She recently lost her oldest son, Logan, to a horrendous murder in November 2025. Here is a special story about Logan and how an anonymous donor donated $20,000 for a scholarship to Grand Blanc / Holy Family students in his honor. This should never have happened to Mrs. Welch, and my heart aches for her family so much. I cannot imagine losing a child, and it's even harder to comprehend a close family member being murdered. In 1993, someone murdered my aunt Angela Tate and threw her body in the Flint River. I didn't know my aunt Angie very well. She was married to my Uncle Mike, who passed away in 1977, before I was born. I just cannot fathom what my cousins went through losing their mom and dad as children.


Letters to People from My Past, Present, and Future

Summary: Okay, I gotta admit these poems were cheesy! But it was a perfect cheese, like mozzarella melted on a pizza. My favorite poem out of all three poems was "A Letter to Almost...But Not Quite", which was written to someone in my past, which my book, The Breaking Strain is based. I got a lot of feedback on this post on Instagram saying they loved the idea of writing letters and turning it into poetry.


October Poem Dump

Summary: A poem dump of all my poetry about horrible relationships I've been in. Looking back, a lot of these relationships were self-inflicted. Especially the emotionally manipulative ex. The only relationship that wasn't self-inflicted was my rape. I thought he liked me, and I was scared to say "no". He later threatened to make my life a living hell if I told anyone what had happened that October night. By the way, my math is horrible. I thought it was 26 years. It's only been 25 years since that happened to me.


I Look Horrible (and I Don't Need You to Fix It!)

Summary: An essay about how trying to put a positive spin on negative feelings doesn't always work. Especially when concerning physical appearance. This was inspired after I showed my friend Justin the picture of my dad and I that is posted in this blog. I said I looked horrible. He downplayed it and say I was still cute. I was not in the right headspace for a compliment. I just wanted to express how I looked as well as how I was feeling. I wasn't fishing for compliments or trying to flirt (seriously, why do people say women are flirting when they say they look horrible???!).


From Then to Pen: Poetry Pieces from Specific Times in My Life


Summary: This was a prompt from ChatGPT. I asked ChatGPT to give me prompts from specific times in my life, and I wrote poems about them. I wrote about being 17 (my favorite poem I wrote out of these) titled I Thought 17 Would Be Fun, after graduating high school, and being obsessed with social media. So from age 17, 18, and 28-35.


December Poem Dump

Summary: Another poetry dump. My favorite poem is Life. I wrote it while my dad was in the hospital. It was one of the grieving poems I wrote that I decided to share. Honorable mentions: I'm Lucky I Have Me and Whiskers.


My Journey with Food as an Autistic Woman

Summary: Just some messy prose on what it's like having issues with food as someone on the autism spectrum. I had a tough time writing about this. Fears of judgement and generalization. I didn't want to generalize all autistic people. But I also didn't want to be judged for my experience as an ASD person. I didn't want this post to make me less or more of an autistic person or invalidate other autistic's experiences.


Love Poems & Prose

Summary: Happier and romance-filled poetry for my favorite holiday, Valentine's Day. My favorite poem: For Better and For Chaos. Honorable Mentions: Battle Scars, Her Magic Still Lingers, and Fated.


Progress! (+ a couple new poems I wrote)

Summary: I announce my projects I'm working on currently in 2026. And I share a couple new poems I've written. Worth the read! I have since put 90s Child on hold and focusing entirely on The Breaking Strain.


Spirituality Isn't an Aesthetic (hint: it's a way of living)


Summary: I write about how social media spirituality is performative spirituality. And that real spirituality comes from living and realignment. I make a tragic confession and use that as an example of how I realigned myself. Last month, this post exploded on my blog, pushing my views past a thousand and reaching 7,300 views in my first year of blogging. I am most proud of this essay the most because I show the real me here. Not the polished version.



Wednesday, March 11, 2026

What Writing Revealed About the Love I Accepted

 


Writing poetry didn't make me stronger. It made me honest.


I didn't realize how much I was settling until I saw my words in print.


I accepted emotional inconsistency and called it complexity. I fell in love with potential instead of reality. I shrank my values and standards because being chosen—even halfway—felt better than being alone. I was grateful for the breadcrumbs lovers gave me, even though they left me starving.


On the page, I wrote about how messy my love life was. I had ah-ha moments as I wrote my poetry piece by piece, confessing all my relationship patterns. I realized then that my self-worth was the issue. 


I didn't see myself as worthy of a true, loving, fulfilling, consistent, emotionally available relationship.  I kept getting into the same patterns I've helped navigate clients in my tarot reading practice out of. And I knew I needed to do better. I deserve better. And my values mattered to me.


Poetry can stay hidden. Self-publishing cannot. I decided to self-publish my first poetry book, GROWTH: A Healing Journey of Poetry and Prose in September 2024. I didn't think twice about it. I knew I had to put it out there to fully heal. 


Putting my poetry out there for others to read helped keep me accountable from repeating the same relationship patterns. It also helped me connect with others and belong to a community. 


I know my worth now. I will no longer be a side girl, fall in love with potential, ignore red flags, and settle for emotional inconsistency ever again. Instead, I hold myself to a higher standard and embrace single life. And that is where the healing journey begins...


Thursday, November 27, 2025

Thankful & Grateful: Things & People I Am Thankful & Grateful For In 2025...and Beyond!

 

Thankful & Grateful: Things & People I Am Thankful & Grateful For In 2025...and Beyond!

Gratitude and thankfulness are keys to a positive life. I am grateful every single day for having a platform I can write and share my thoughts and feelings with thousands across the world! Whether it is in a prose, such as my latest post, or sharing my poems, or writing books on Amazon, I'm grateful for my writing skills and my communication abilities, despite a natal Chiron in Gemini (in astrology, Chiron is the wounded healer. It shows what we struggle with that we ultimately come to heal in this lifetime. Gemini rules communication, learning, K-12 education, mental health, thoughts).


Any who, enough astrology talk. I would like to share a spotlight on some things and people I am absolutely grateful and thankful for this year, 2025. I plan on making this a yearly post in November.


Cool New People I've Met

- I'm grateful for my new friend Tina. She and I went to school together but we never really orbited each other until she friended me on Facebook. We struck up a conversation one day, and she has been such a great friend to me. Her CNA / caretaker knowledge has helped me so much with navigating stuff with my dad in the hospital. She also recommended a fantastic book I am currently reading, titled Role Reversal: How to Take Care of Yourself and Your Aging Parents. I'd be up a crick if it weren't for Tina and her knowledge.  I'm grateful our paths crossed 20+ years later.


- I'm thankful for my Instagram friend @jijisworldd, Jiji. She's an amazing friend and she's always encouraging. She was one of my earliest supporters on my tarot reading Instagram. I try to support her YouTuber journey as much as I can. I am inspired by her endless creativity and her kindness. 

- I'm grateful for two vendors I interacted with at Witches Weekend this year. Amy of American Art & Glass, and Ruthie. I had the pleasure to read their tarot cards and they had nothing but nice words to say. They both even offered to take some business cards of mine to give to their friends. I hope I run into them both next year and purchase some of their goodies (we traded with each other this year). 

- A man named Brandon who read my aura at Totem Books. He was a pretty cool dude who didn't ridicule me when I read his tarot cards (and failed miserably!). He read my aura before he got a reading with me at my free tarot reading event. He said my aura was very bright. And he said it was blue, green, pink, and light blue. The light blue was sadness. The blue means I am an honest communicator. And the green was healing energy and pink was full of love. 


People In My Life Who Have Returned


- Jill Welch.  I'm so grateful to my elementary teacher. She cheers me on with my writing and in life. It has been wonderful reconnecting with her on Facebook. She has made a real difference in my life by nurturing my abilities in school. She also taught me empathy as a child. And shared a ton of life lessons, such as not smoking and drinking, especially while pregnant, and making me feel good in my skin like Niki Taylor.


- Lauralyn Kearney. My life coach/business coach/editor/and friend. How many hats does Lauralyn wear in my life?! lol.  But seriously, I appreciate her talent and her friendship so much. Her kindness, her empathy, and her love flow through me. I met Lauralyn in 2008/2009? When I reached out to her Angel Therapy business, where she was a gifted medium (the only one I believe in) and she did a reading on my beloved cat from childhood, Friske. She said I would find another cat. While she described a white cat, I found another cat — who looked like Friske! My beloved Razzles! That reading was so healing. She also predicted I would be a writer and tarot reader for a long time. And believe it or not, she was on TV once! She was on WeTV's The Secret Lives of Women. That's how I found her! Lol.


- Sarshi.  Sarshi is my friend I met on Facebook back in 2022/2023. We met on my tarot reading page and been friends ever since. Sarshi is a talented artist and I appreciate their art so much! I also appreciate being neurodivergent together, sharing a diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder and autism.  Before a doctor diagnosed me with bipolar disorder, I had a diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder.


- Justin, the ex. Okay, okay, Justin gets a poor reputation in my writing world. He's the Trump supporter. He's the one who can treat me like a liberal punching bag. He's the one who lacks empathy and is highly logical. But you know what? He's a better friend than he is a lover. That's why he's my best friend. Even though he agrees with everything that is wrong with this world, he is my rock. He's someone I want to reach out to with every bad/good thing that happens to me. We met online on an adult-oriented Internet forum of a famous sex story site. And we've been friends ever since. What started with lust, turned into friendship, turned into a horrible relationship experience, to being friends. We met in person in 2012 and dated briefly in 2013. He dumped me for someone else who he met on the adult-oriented forum. He claimed she was his soulmate. And then she just used him for his money and dumped him. He was heartbroken for a few years. Then, he finally noticed me. And that's where the story of our two-year relationship began.


Family

- My mom and dad. Seriously. I am always grateful and thankful for them. Every single day in my life. When they make me want to pull my hair out and scream. When they make me cry when they yell at me. And of course, when they show me love through their own love language (which is gifts and quality time). I'm glad these two humans met and fell in love. Although I am not sure why they created me and if I am grateful they created me, maybe someone out there is grateful they created me LOL. Highly doubt it, but whatevs. 

- My niece & nephew, Frances & Sollux. These two are my babies for life. I never had the opportunity to have children of my own. They showed me how hard it is to raise a child. They showed me how much energy you needed and how much love you must give. I appreciate them for letting me be a kid with them, growing up with them in a way in my 20s and 30s. Now that they are young adults, they're great people. Great humans I helped raise. Frances is a big-hearted, empathetic individual. Sollux is a humorous rebel beating to his own drum. I'm so proud of them and the humans they're turning out to be. I'm grateful for all the laughs we shared while they were babies and kids. I'm grateful for all the memories that make me smile.

- My cousin Tanya.  She's my best cousin friend FIVE-ever. She was someone I looked up to as a kid. She was also instrumental in me never picking up a cigarette despite it looking so cool to me. Her kindness, nurturing, and humor bring me a lot of joy. I am also grateful for summers spent together in Baldwin, Michigan, and Manistique, Michigan. She was probably the only family member who didn't ridicule me when I had tantrums and meltdowns. And she didn't mind me "dancing" (otherwise known as autistic flapping) in my underwear.

- My sister Jenny. My sister and I don't really have that great of a relationship. In fact, she once stated "We're too different to attempt a relationship."  That hurt. But yet, it's probably true. She's someone I also looked up to and adored. And I still look up to her and adore her. She inspired my taste in the 1980s cartoons and music (The Cure, The Smiths, Shakespear's Sister, Debbie Gibson...). She's 7.5 years older than I am. I'm still grateful to her because she does my hair, and she loves me, even though we're not best friends like you see other sisters on TV. I'm grateful she inherited my grandma Annette's profession and can at least make my hair look good.

- My Uncle Jim Tate III. My uncle Jim is also neurodivergent. He has ADHD and possibly autism. We bond over that. He recently attended a book signing back in June. And he purchased three of my books (one of which was for a friend). He has such an enormous heart, and he's a giant. He looks tough, but deep down he's a softy. That's his Cancer sun. I've always appreciated my Uncle Jim because he's different from most of the Tates. I respect him. 

- My Uncle Dale & Aunt Vicky. My Uncle Dale & Aunt Vicky are amazing people. They're the kindest, gentlest people ever. I'm grateful for their presence in my life. They are the only aunt and uncle who send me a birthday card on my birthday. I love them so much.

- My "Uncle Dude" aka Corey Tate. I'm grateful he makes me laugh when I am down and he reminds me that I am a Tate and I don't take shit from no one. And he reminds me that life is worth living and he'd kick my ass if I killed myself lol. He also warded off a stalker for me. Although that stalker tried to return in 2025 on my Facebook author page. I blocked him. And haven't heard from him since. If that stalker knows what's best for him, he'd stay away. My Uncle Dude and my Uncle Jim are very protective of me and know how to hide bodies ;-) HA! My Uncle Dude is also my biggest fan of my writing (maybe not as big as Uncle Jim LOL). He tells me he is so proud of me and this whole family is proud of me.

- My grandma Annette, my grandpa Harold. As I get older, I appreciate them more and more. They looked after my sister and I growing up. My grandma handled my meltdowns like a pro. She was kind, empathetic, and caring. She would listen to me talk about the boys at school that I liked and give me her wisdom. She would take me to McDonald's for dinner and let me play on the outdoor play-place, as long as I ate my dinner, which I did with her! My grandpa was funny. He would always call me a Farmer. And instead of hugs, I would give him high-fives because I felt uncomfortable hugging my grandpa. He did nothing to me. I was just shy, I guess. My grandpa would tease me and my grandma would have to butt in and defend me or tell Grandpa to knock it off. I took his death hard when he died in 1996. He was the first enormous loss in my life. I would dream about him coming back to life. In one dream, he told me that my dad's ankle would heal in two weeks. My dad's ankle healed two weeks after the dream (he fell off the ladder while cleaning the gutters). I wrote a paper in high school psychology about that phenomenon. I haven't had a dream about my grandpa Harold in a long time. I miss him. I also miss my grandma Annette.

- My Grandma Donna & Grandpa Jim. Their love started it all. Without them, there would be no dad. No me. My Grandma Donna was kind of an aloof woman. But she loved me, when I wasn't whining or being a spoiled brat. Grandma and I were close for living cities and eventually states away. We would write letters. She would share stories and wisdom. We would talk about family. She told me she always wanted to be a writer and that her life story was more controversial than Peyton Place. I still wonder what she meant by that. I have read Peyton Place and I imagine it was controversial for its time. It's also one of my favorite books. But I still wonder what was controversial in my grandma's life that would outshine Peyton Place. 

As for my grandpa Jim, I'm grateful for his love of music and songwriting. He has passed it down to me. Although I don't write songs, I write poems. I wish I wrote songs. My grandpa Jim was stubborn but friendly. He used to say about his grandchildren that they were all beautiful and there wasn't an ugly one in the bunch. 

Grandma Donna and Grandpa Jim divorced but remained friends. Grandma found love with Dwayne Sheffer, and my Grandpa found love with Karen Bielby (the step-grandmother who taught me how to read tarot cards).


Things I'm Grateful For

1. My new laptop. After my old laptop crashed after I tried downloading an update for the Sims and make room for that update, this laptop is a dream. It's also probably the last laptop I will ever have bought for me. My parents gifted me this laptop for my 41st birthday. They knew I needed it for business and my writing.

2. McDonald's. I know McDonald's is not the healthiest thing. But it's food. It's my comfort food. When I am stressed out, I long for a two-cheeseburger meal. When I want to celebrate, I want a Quarter Pounder with cheese meal. 

3. Pizza. Pizza sustained me for the longest time. I am grateful for it although now I'm kinda sick of it LOL. No pizza place makes good pizza. It's all okay. 

4. Music. I'm grateful for music. It's the only loud thing I appreciate. I love singing to Taylor Swift, and love thinking about future meet and greets with New Kids On The Block when I listen to them. 

5. Totem Books. They supported me for a long time as a tarot reader. Since 2022. Although they no longer have the metaphysical fairs, they believe in me as a tarot reader and as a writer. They buy my books, accept my tarot card and oracle card donations, and they let me do my free reading event and hang my business cards and flyers on their community board. 

6. Spinach. I'm grateful for one green I can tolerate!

7. Kosher Dill Pickles. Okay...this is another green, is it not?

8. Water. I lived outside of Flint. The water crisis made me thankful for Burton's clean water. I live near Burton and Flint, and I was thankful that our water was not contaminated.

9. Therapy and mental health meds. I'm grateful I have access to therapy and my mental health medications. Without Medicaid, I would have to pay thousands upon thousands of dollars for mental health care alone. And being a writer and tarot reader, I am not sitting on stacks of cash yet. Not even a little.

10. Although cats are NOT things, and they are family, I forgot to put them with family. And they should be number one! But I am grateful to Sassy and Skittles. They are my babies now. I adore the heck out of them. Their unconditional love makes me whole. Who needs a man when you have cats? :-D  


And that is who and what I am grateful for. Until next year!

Tell me below, what is the number one thing or person you're grateful for this year?

Wednesday, August 20, 2025

August Poem Dump

 


Here are some poems I've been working on in August. These are simply rough drafts, not in their final form yet. Or maybe they are, I don't know. Maybe I'm being harsh on myself.

Under the Retrograde Skies
By: Samantha Jean Tate

I want to apologize to you. Not because you deserve it. But because I'm lonely as hell without you.

If I were to apologize to you under these retrograde skies, we would just be repeating the cycle of emotional manipulation and abuse.


I don't think neither one of us learned a thing.

We aren't right for each other.

I need to move on, instead of digging up the past 


Under these retrograde skies, I vow to acknowledge my loneliness and release you.

Once. And. For. All.


One Day By: Samantha Jean Tate


Will one day ever come?

Will the day come where I am fully seen, loved, and valued?

Will one day ever come?


While the Tower Fell By: Samantha Jean Tate


Here I am, just jamming out to Monkey Gone to Heaven

While the world spins in total chaos.

The world didn't end when the tower fell,

it began.

And so did my life.

You see, while I was grooving,

Someone's life ended.

A new life came into the world.

Someone got their heart broken,

While someone else met their soulmate.

Someone began school,

And another just graduated.

She became a divorcee,

He became a husband.

A soul met their cat at the rainbow bridge,

While a dog found their fur-ever home.

A hamster choked on his food he overstuffed in his cheeks,

While a bird was set free from her cage.

Chaos is everywhere,

Even when the tower falls, life doesn't stop.

The world keeps turning

And you can be certain.


The Cards Said You'd Care By: Samantha Jean Tate


How I wish you would give me the time of day

To make you laugh,

To make you smile uncontrollably,

To love you.


How I wish you would speak more than two words.

How I wish you would reach out first.

I wish you were available.

I wish you were mine already.


Oh how I wish you knew the vibe you put out

And how I caught it

I wish you didn't deny there was something there.

Wasn't it?


You'd look at me from across the room,

While I gave a tarot reading

You seem interested

But then I caught you

And you pulled away.


Now you're liking my pics,

Liking my poems,

And you won't even say "hello".


When the Light Left You By: Samantha Jean Tate


There you were

Smoking your vape,

A cloud of smoke

Covered your eyes

But I could see through the fog

The light left your eyes

The inner fire was gone

You didn't care anymore

You had given up on life.


I knew something was wrong,

But I didn't want to upset you.

I tried to keep the conversation light

I made jokes

And I got you to laugh

I felt relief knowing

You didn't lose your sense of

Humor


I wish I could erase your pain

I wish I could be the one

To make you happy

But you can only make yourself

Happy

You cannot rely on 

Others


So I left you alone

Hoping one day

The light returned

You got your inner fire back

And you felt at

Peace.


Video Chat
By: Samantha Jean Tate

It was about eleven o'clock at night We video chatted I asked, "Did you ever like me romantically and do you now?" You said, "I'm sorry... But... No."

I felt my stomach drop

My chest fluttered

I held back my tears

At least I had you

As a friend.

You let me down gently

And you weren't 

A prick.


But I thought we were more.

I saw you looking at me

From across the room

Making sure I was fine

You checked in on me

After I was threatened

By another woman.

You were an answered prayer.

Someone God put on my path

For a reason.

The Desert Storm vet told me

You liked me.

I believed him.

Instead of looking at the logic.

I was a spoiled brat

In your eyes

That obviously turns you off.

I guess I just have to accept

We're friends. And nothing more.


Hell By: Samantha Jean Tate


What if Hell isn't flames and pitchforks?

What if there is no Satan? 

No red horns.

No brimstone.

What if Hell is just you...

Not being able to silence the voices

Of all the people you have ever wronged

And constantly fighting your inner demons...

for all eternity?


The Golden Light By: Samantha Jean Tate


I wake up

From bipolar-induced dreams

Not knowing if what happened

was real

Or if it was all in my head?

I dreamt I flew up to the sky,

in Jesus' arms

I saw my body on the ground

Dead.

Asleep.

I wouldn't wake up.

I try to replay the moment

I fell into death's shadow

But I can't remember a thing!

All I know is

It's peaceful.

I feel loved.

The golden light

Covers me.

I become One

with consciousness 

I turn into stardust

I am the entire universe

And the universe is within

Me.