.png)
CONTENT WARNING: It gets a little dark here with discussions of rape and victim-shaming/victim-blaming. You have been warned! If these bother you, you might wanna skip this post.
By: Samantha Jean Tate
(as seen in the book, GROWTH: A Healing Journey of Poetry and Prose)
Little man
You think you can hurt me
By using my weaknesses against me
Little man
You think I actually care
Little man
You think you can hurt me
By your boasting of hookers, booze, and sex
But you know what, little man
Unlike you, I am doing the inner work
I don't need your passive aggressiveness
And fetal attempts to make me jealous
But haha!
I laugh at your pathetic attempt
Little man, I am unphased by your littleness
Now go somewhere far away
And never come back!
Dennis By: Samantha Jean Tate (as seen in GROWTH: A Healing Journey of Poetry and Prose)
I had to do it
I liked you
But you let being hurt in the past
Block something that could have been meaningful
But you know what?
Your mopiness isn't worth my time and energy
You say you're surrounded by friends
But yet you.message me out of loneliness
I'm lonely too
But you know what?
I'm not lonely enough to settle for you
So I'm blocking you
And keeping you away from me
To protect my own sanity
Standards (or also known as Untitled #1) By: Samantha Jean Tate (as seen in GROWTH: A Healing Journey of Poetry and Prose)
He really fucked me up
I lowered my standards
When he should have met me
At mine
He told me we had a special bond
A bond that couldn't be broken
But I broke that bond
When I realized
He was never going to leave her
For me
He may have been my best friend
My soulmate
My cuddle buddy
But he used me
For his own needs
He was being selfish
I tolerated it
But not anymore
I'm changing I'm evolving
I'm saying goodbye to him
And the old me with lowered standards
J
By: Samantha Jean Tate (as seen in GROWTH: A Healing Journey of Poetry and Prose)
J's are for JERKS
J's are egotistical
Maniacal
J's are unloving
And selfish
J's do not do JUSTICE, justice
J's are liars
Manipulative
Con-artists
Stay away from the J's
They're no good for you
They make you less JOLLY
They make you JUDGE yourself harshly
Because they are impossible to satisfy
J's are JERKS
You Are My Devil
By: Samantha Jean Tate
(as seen in GROWTH: A Healing Journey of Poetry and Prose)
You are my devil
Do I succumb to temptation?
Or will I finally break the chains
That chain me down to you?
You are my devil
My weakness
My flaw
My addiction
You tempt me
As I walk the shadow of death
I don't like being alone
But I also don't like
Being used
And manipulated
And sexualized
You are my devil
Why must you come back
When I'm at my lowest?
There's only one way out of Hell
And that is to fight your way out
I will fight this gravitational pull
I will fight every temptation
I will keep fighting for me
Because I deserve better
Than an addiction
Than sex
Than sweet words without actions
You are my devil.
I Was Prepared, But It Still Hurt By: Samantha Jean Tate (as seen in GROWTH: A Healing Journey of Poetry and Prose)
I was prepared, but it still hurt
I was prepared, but it didn't go as planned
I was prepared, but I was let down again
I was prepared, but I thought I had a chance
I was prepared, but I was unprepared for the baggage
The turmoil, the trauma, the hurts
From yesteryear when we were kids
You said he was a dick
And you understood me so much more than anyone else has ever gotten me
Is this love?
I was prepared, but I was caught off guard
I was prepared, but I drew The Tower
I was prepared, but I had high hopes
I was prepared, but then you broke the news
You didn't want to lead me on
You were honest and forthright in your affairs
You met someone
And that was that.
I was prepared, but it still hurt
I was prepared, but I cried
I was prepared, but I was left alone.
You By: Samantha Jean Tate (as seen in GROWTH: A Healing Journey of Poetry and Prose)
You may have raped me
You may have threatened me
I was scared then
I wish I would have spoken up
I wish I didn't lack courage
You took a piece of my innocence
A piece I'll never get back
It didn't haunt me
Up until now
I dream of you
You terrorizing me
Turning my friends into enemies
My family into strangers
You making me miserable
Every chance you got
You set wolves out to get me
You lit the match and set fire to my home
But you know what you can't rob me of?
Peace.
My inner peace.
I refuse to let you make me scared
Of other men, of love, of all good things
But I will let you know
You made me realize
How risky and how foolish I was.
I am wise now.
I'm on to you, demon
I banish you from my mind, my dreams
Be gone!
Am I Crazy? By: Samantha Jean Tate (dedicated to those who have second-guessed themselves and listened to victim-shaming friends & family)
Did it really happen?
Did I misinterpret your intentions?
Did I somehow lead you on?
I liked you
I thought you liked me
I figured you were lustful and wanted my soul
But it turned out you just wanted my body
Or any body
You didn't care whose body it was or the person inside
You had to get your sexual healing through me
When we were alone, I saw the monster that you are
Unfortunately, I was only 17
And didn't know what to do
So I went along with it, despite not wanting to
You threatened to make my life a living hell
If I ever told
I know in your past someone acted like this toward you
But it gives you NO RIGHT to have hurt me like you did
Now, at 40, I wonder
Did I make this all up?
Am I crazy?
Haunting Memories By: Samantha Jean Tate (as seen in my book, See Ya & Other Goodbyes: Poems & Prose About Life, Love, and Loss Through My Eyes)
I remember
The day we said goodbye—
At Pizza Hut,
Sharing a slice,
Talking, but not really.
You barely spoke,
And I barely knew how to say it.
"Let's just be friends," I whispered.
Your eyes, wide and wet,
Betrayed the words you hoped not to hear.
You wanted more.
But darling,I had wronged you.
You didn’t deserve it—
The hurt I caused,
The distance I built.
And I?
I didn’t deserve someone
As good as you.
I pushed you away.
Pushed.
Pushed.
Pushed.
I shoved you away.
Shoved.
Shoved.
Shoved.
The car ride home was silent,
Even the radio stood still.
It felt like the world had died.
But it wasn’t the world, it was us.
Our world ended that cold December day.
Now, all I have left
Are memories—
Memories that haunt,
That linger,
Of you,
Of us,
And the life we let slip away.
While You Clicked Everything Else By: Samantha Jean Tate
I was always open,
but never in focus
Always on the sidelines, never included
I waited faithfully, like a dog waiting for his owner to come home from work
I was just a background tab.
I was not prioritized,
as you browsed other tabs
You made excuses,
I sat by and loved you through the chaos.
You opened me when you were lonely,
or needed to decompress.
I was the background music--
soothing, familiar,
But never enough to earn your full attention.
You would minimize me when the world distracted you.
I waited—
spinning wheels,
buffering love
you never stayed long enough to download.
I watched you click on
everyone else,
while I silently screamed
in pop-up windows you dismissed.
But I am not an app.
Not a shortcut.
Not something to be forgotten,
Not something to ignore.
Just because you lost interest.
That time you opened me after a fight,
then minimized me again,
it ignited anger,
a desperate need to be seen.
So I denied access...
Closed my tab...
Cleared the cache...
your screen felt empty—
it crashed.
I will no longer be forgotten.
I will no longer be ignored.
I will be forever cherished
and adored.
I'll be someone's main tab—
Someone who sees my content,
Hears my background music.
And is fully present.
Someone will choose me someday,
but it will never be you.
The Math Ain't Mathing By: Samantha Jean Tate
I called it love
But he changed his mind,
I was doing all the emotional labor
While he went and played hanky panky
He cheated on me with her
Then cheated on her with me--
A love triangle with no angles,
Just circles.
Repeating.
Spinning in chaos.
He said he was confused,
I say he was consistent--
Consistently full of shit
Like his brown eyes
He thought he was the main character,
But now he follows my socials,
Scrolling through the glow-up,
Reading the story he got written out of.
As for me?
I'm the plot twist.
The one who lived.
The one who healed.
The one who turns heartache into art.
Thank you, next chapter.
I Cast This Spell By: Samantha Jean Tate
I cast this spell
So you may feel what I felt
So time turns bitter in your hands
So love becomes a stranger you never get to meet
May your hours be dismissed like mine were—
discarded, unseen, undervalued.
I cast this spell
Not for revenge—
But for protection.
For my sisters,
for myself.
And for you to realize
You. Don't. Matter. To. Me. Anymore.
May the weight of your own ignorance press on you like silence pressed on me.
I cast this spell
So you cannot touch me again
You are not my soulmate.
You were never my sanctuary
I banish your name, your energy, your echo
Across this life and the next—
Across every dimension and timeline
You do not follow me into the future
This is my final spell
By fire, by salt, by smoke, by storm—
Be gone!
This spell is invoked for every woman who waited.
For every sister unseen.
For every heart that was treated like a convenience.
I cast this spell
For her and for me!
The Ripper By: Samantha Jean Tate
Here I am, listening to that stupid heavy metal song you introduced me to.
And now it won't stop playing in my head.
The guitar riffs sounds like us arguing.
I am The Ripper.
The Ripper of your heart.
Leftist Punching Bag By: Samantha Jean Tate
I once voted for a villain
to make someone else happy.
This someone convinced me
People misunderstood the villain.
The person I made happy?
He still bitched.
He still complained.
He still felt lonely and misunderstood.
He still had an icy heart
and didn't give a flying fuck about my grand gesture.
He said he wanted me to stay liberal.
He enjoyed challenging my point of view.
But I don't argue when we clearly do not see
eye to eye.
I was just his leftist punching bag.
And somehow,
He still had my heart.
Where Did I Go? By: Samantha Jean Tate
"Where did you go?"
I went somewhere...
Far, far away.
Where your toxicity can't touch me,
Your words can't mess with my mind,
and where I can finally get off this hamster wheel
Of love.
And it's finally quiet here.
Mouse Trap By: Samantha Jean Tate
how do i say "i miss you"
when you were as toxic as
poisoned peanut butter
on a mouse trap?
how do I tell you "i love you"
but you're as unhealthy as a
cigarette and McDonald's?
how do i say "i'm letting you go"
but not shed a tear
and how do i sit
with the discomfort?
my current distress
doesn't mean
there's something more there.
it just means i'm struggling
to quit you like a bad habit.
to not fall for your
mouse trap.
Caaaaaaaaaat
By: Samantha Jean Tate
Cat, you're wierd.
You can't even spell weird right
because you assume
your private school education
is superior.
Cat, you're weird.
Your lack of empathy
isn't a flex.
You think you're not fooled,
not easily brainwashed—
but you are.
You are in the cult
of false heroes
and there's nothing I can do
but save myself
from you.
Cat, you're an odd fellow
You think you're mellow
But you are a sad, angry man
scared to be alone.
You don't want me,
you just want someone
to validate
your hate.
I'm Tired (a Response to an Emotionally Manipulative Ex) By: Samantha Jean Tate
My dad was in the hospital recently. My mom and I have had to watch my dad closely to make sure he doesn't fall as he's fallen a few times in recent months and his legs gave out on him when he went to the hospital. He couldn't walk or stand, so we had to call an ambulance. He was just home from the hospital and I was EXHAUSTED from worrying and helping my mom take care of my dad, and getting ready for a couple of events later that week that I was doing tarot readings. I had reached out to him the night before after my dad got home from the hospital. I was looking for comfort and familiarity. But he wasn't very empathetic. Instead, he wanted to talk about politics (after I had told him I did not want to talk about politics because all we do is fight and we do not understand each other) and how he, Trump and the right wingers aren't white supremacists and are just deeply misunderstood. He then continued to talk about masturbation and porn. I went to sleep.
The next day, I had confided in him that I was tired and wanted to take a nap while my mom ran to the store. He replied back with a frowny face and a "I'm sorry." I then wrote I do not have a nurturing bone in my body and that this was why I want to be alone and look after myself. I could never take care of someone properly. He responded with a damn joke about "boning me". I immediately blocked him. He screwed up his last chance to show a little bit of empathy to be a friend. Since we were friends before lovers. He was my best friend. But no, he's an asshole who doesn't even love himself. Instead, he craves attention from others and their love and approval. He ain't going to find it from me. And he's no longer my best friend, friend, or acquaintance. We are strangers once again.
Sunday night, he sends me this email claiming he's done with me. This is my response to his e-mail that I never sent him because he doesn't deserve a response.
"I'm tired of you blocking me without saying a word."
I'm tired of explaining and defending my feelings.
"I'm tired of you never working anything out like an adult."
I'm tired of you making me feel crazy when I try to explain why I feel things.
"I'm tired of never knowing if you'll fly off the handle or not."
I'm tired of having my boundaries crossed after I've given you numerous chances to learn my boundaries and abide by them.
"I'm tired of investing into something that can blow up at any time for any reason, with you making up stories in your head to be mad at me about."
I'm tired of having to justify my reasons for feeling my feelings. I'm tired of you gaslighting me, making me feel crazy that things you do didn't really happen. I'm tired of trying to understand you when you don't even understand me.
You think you know me, but you don't.
You think you deserve a medal because you stood by me when I was at my lowest.
You think you are perfect and do everything right,
when all you like to do is fight.
You think you deserve my loyalty,
because you're too afraid to be alone.
Because nobody loves you, not even yourself.
"I'm sick of it. Goodbye."
Me too, I'm out!
Here are some hotline numbers if you are in need of some support:
RAINN (Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network)
1-800-656-4673
Available 24/7
The National Domestic Violence Hotline: This organization provides 24/7 confidential and anonymous support via phone, text, or online chat. Advocates can offer safety planning, resources, and referrals to local services, and help individuals in emotionally abusive situations.
- Call: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
- Text: "START" to 88788
- Chat: Visit thehotline.or
Love Is Respect: A national resource for young people experiencing dating abuse. It offers a 24/7 helpline with resources on safety planning and identifying healthy versus unhealthy relationships
Call: 1-866-331-947
Text: "LOVEIS" to 22522
Chat: Visit loveisrespect.org - Crisis Text Line: Provides 24/7 free, confidential support from a trained crisis counselor via text. This can be a safe way to reach out for immediate help.
- Text: "CONNECT" to 741741
No comments:
Post a Comment