Things I've Written (While Annoyed)

 

I feel like I write more when I am angry, pissed off, annoyed, or heartbroken. Rarely does inspiration strike when I'm happy and everything is fine in my world. For instance, I am writing this blog on a day where my Sims game had an error code, and it has been super glitchy since the latest big update. I ended up deleting my farm, my Victorian mansion, and my daughter Melody, and well, the entire game I was playing because it was super glitchy. And the updates they fixed? I still couldn't put my daughter in my back carrier! She always took her out and put her in her crib! Some update...*glares at EA*.

Anyway...I thought I would share poems I've written while annoyed. Not exactly pissed off . Just annoyed. Like my mood right now. I'm annoyed.

Rejected Again

By: Samantha Jean Tate

Rejected again.

Another stoplight

Instead of a green light.

Can't move

Can't get out of bed.

Rejected again.

One step forward,

Three steps back.

Do not pass Go

Do not collect two-hundred dollars.

You're rejected!

Untitled #6 (or Fuck This Shit)

By: Samantha Jean Tate

Sick of cold weather

Sick of overcast skies

Sick of being ignored

And left on unread

Sick of surviving

In this stupid town

Can't even own a home

That's mine

Why was I put here on Earth?

If I am just going to be poor, mad,

And sad.

Sick of looking out my bedroom window

Wondering when life will happen to me

Barely have any hope left

I've been wishing and hoping

My entire life

I've put myself out there

Only to be met with doors slamming in my face

Or precious things

Taken away from me

Fuck this shit

Fuck this noise

Fuck this stupid city

And fuck writing, too!

Tarot Reading

By: Samantha Jean Tate

          

Indecision plays

In parts of being

Unsatisfied

Holding onto every last scrap

Of hope

Silence from the Peanut Gallery

By: Samantha Jean Tate

Today it's quiet...

Too quiet for my liking.

The silence is

Taking its toll on me

Not even "you suck"

Or a "you're a lousy human being".

The lull makes me

Spiral.

Into madness and

Anger.

Eventually, tears flow

I'm a mess

What's a writer without

Her community?

What's a writer without

Critiques?

What's a writer without

One-star reviews?

Worse, what's a writer

Who is

Reticent?

The Thinner Sinner

By: Samantha Jean Tate

She feels like a winner

Until he's sick of her

He throws her away like garbage

While she picks up the pieces of her broken heart.

She feels like a winner

Until he feels too much.

She overwhelms him with her passion,

Her relentless pursuit

Of him and his heart.

She wants to be the one

To hold him tightly

To caress his chest

And tell him everything will be all right.

She wants to be his one

But she won't be

Because he chose the thinner sinner.

Muted by the Feed

By: Samantha Jean Tate

There I go,

Posting another post

That no one will read

I try to speak out

For me and the trees.

No one gives a hoot,

My feed is pollute

My voice lies buried

Under ads and pics of kitties.

Algorithms dictate whether I will be seen.

Or if my content will be redeemed.

It's no fun when you're grieving something heavy

And all you get are crickets,

maybe a like or an "I Care"

and they say nothing at all.

Hell and Back

By: Samantha Jean Tate

You went to hell

And back

To find me?

Well, I swam

In oceans to

Get away from you.

Vienna Doesn't Wait

By: Samantha Jean Tate

Vienna doesn't wait

She's got places to go,

People to see,

Food to eat,

Men to love.

Vienna doesn't wait.

Things have to be done

Before we play.

No time for a rest,

Gotta make the most

Of today.

So, no, Billy Joel,

Vienna doesn't wait.

Instead, it hurries.

With the shorter days,

And long nights.

I'm Tired

(a response to an emotionally manipulative ex)

By: Samantha Jean Tate

"I'm tired of you blocking me without saying a word."

I'm tired of explaining and defending my feelings.

"I'm tired of you never working anything out like an adult."

I'm tired of you making me feel crazy when I try to explain why I feel things.

"I'm tired of never knowing if you'll fly off the handle or not."

I'm tired of having my boundaries crossed after I've given you numerous chances to learn my boundaries and abide by them.

"I'm tired of investing into something that can blow up at any time for any reason, with you making up stories in your head to be mad at me about."

I'm tired of having to justify my reasons for feeling my feelings. I'm tired of you gaslighting me, making me feel crazy that things you do didn't really happen. I'm tired of trying to understand you when you don't even understand me.

You think you know me, but you don't.

You think you deserve a medal because you stood by me when I was at my lowest.

You think you are perfect and do everything right,

when all you like to do is fight.

You think you deserve my loyalty,

because you're too afraid to be alone.

Because nobody loves you, not even yourself.

"I'm sick of it. Goodbye."

Me too, I'm out!

Psychic Surgery

By: Samantha Jean Tate

It's going to take a lot more than a hug for my soul to heal me. I need psychic emotional surgery!

A Convo

By: Samantha Jean Tate

Him:

"You don't know how hard it was for me to let you go."

Me:

"Tough shit. You don't know how long it took me to get over you."

Not My Responsibility

By: Samantha Jean Tate

Not my responsibility

That you can't handle your money.

And now you have the audacity

To suddenly support me?

I banish you from my energy field.

Take your chaos

To a financial education class.

May your receipts teach you discipline—

Because your fake support won't buy entry

Into my sacred space.

The universe collects debts in lessons,

Not in pity.

The Cards Said You'd Care

By: Samantha Jean Tate

How I wish you would give me the time of day

To make you laugh,

To make you smile uncontrollably,

To love you.

How I wish you would speak more than two words.

How I wish you would reach out first.

I wish you were available.

I wish you were mine already.

Oh, how I wish you knew the vibe you put out

And how I caught it

I wish you didn't deny that there was something there.

Wasn't it?

You'd look at me from across the room,

While I gave a tarot reading

You seem interested

But then I caught you

And you pulled away.

Now you're liking my pics,

Liking my poems,

And you won't even say "hello."

Mistake for Fate

By: Samantha Jean Tate

Under retrograde skies,

I mistook missing you

For fate.

Under retrograde skies,

I feel the urge to dredge up

Our past.

Under retrograde skies,

I'll dream of what once was

And mistake it

As your soul calling out

To me.

I will probably always love you

Forever.

Even when I am moved on,

You will still have a piece

Of me.

Under retrograde skies,

We meet

Again.

What the Second Decan in Taurus Taught Me...

 

I am the beggar.

I am the receiver.

I am the giver.

The second decan of Taurus has come and gone, and we are now in the final decan of Taurus when this blog post goes live. The second decan of Taurus was a quiet, but thunderous time. It was like a storm that happened suddenly, on my end.

Before I dive in, let's dive into the cards of the second decan of Taurus season!

Minor arcana card: The Six of Pentacles
Court card: King of Pentacles / Knight of Pentacles (according to Susan T. Chang)
Planet: Moon in Taurus
Planet corresponding card: The High Priestess
Major Arcana archetype: The Hierophant

The Six of Pentacles shows a young Hierophant (according to Corinne Kenner of Tarot & Astrology) giving coins to someone on the left side of him, while holding scales (which represent Libra/Justice and equilibrium). Meanwhile, a beggar on the right asks the Hierophant to give him some coins, but the Hierophant clearly pays attention to the person on the right side of him. 

Meanwhile, the Moon in Taurus is exalted here (meaning it's at its optimal energy). The High Priestess represents the moon. And since we're not out of Taurus season, we have the Hierophant as our major arcana archetype for the season. 

To be honest, the second decan of Taurus season felt quiet to me. I noticed imbalances in energy exchange in my life (which the Six of Pentacles is about giving and receiving and balance). In a way, it was more of a Six of Pentacles reversed than a Six of Pentacles upright (which can show imbalance when reversed). 

I had a blood test done for my psychiatric nurse practitioner on May 6th. May 7th, I received the results. My blood sugar was out of balance again (a 7.7 A1C and a 200 glucose level). I also had Vitamin D insufficiency (what should be above 30, I was at 28). I also drew the Taurus court card, King of Pentacles reversed, the day before my blood test, and it confirmed what I already knew. I haven't been focusing on my physical health as much as I should be. The King of Pentacles reversed told me I had been neglecting myself and neglecting my health wasn't cool. 

Meanwhile, I have been showing up with my writing. I posted a couple of excerpts on Instagram and Pinterest of things I wrote from my first draft that I am proud of in The Breaking Strain. And it resulted in crickets. No one commented on my work. Not even a "This sucks. Try again," comment from the peanut gallery. It was silent. And that silence is deafening to me. I feel like my writing hasn't landed well with people. And it hurts. I don't even have a one-star review on any of my books. I'm lucky that the reviews I've gotten on my books were 5-stars, but there aren't a lot of reviews. I would be happy if I got a 1-star review because it means my work landed, it meant someone didn't enjoy my work. And that's okay because my work isn't for everyone. 

I also got rejected from a mental health anthology (no reason, just a "sorry we're passing this time"). And I also wasn't long-listed in the Novel Beginnings contest from ProWritingAid. That was heartbreaking. I moped for half the day (which is record-breaking for me because I usually mope for a couple of days). I just felt like I was putting out, putting out, but not receiving anything.

Also on May 7th, my blog turned one years old. The day was utterly crappy as I had just found out I wasn't long-listed in the Novel Beginnings contest. And then I had issues at home with my parents. I was just all-around feeling like crap. But then I received my first comment in a long while. It was a comment encouraging me to keep writing and to keep dreaming. That comment absolutely turned my day around. I felt like I was actually being seen. I no longer felt like the beggar, begging for the Hierophant's attention. Instead, I was the receiver. 

I have also concluded that I am also the Hierophant and the High Priestess wants discernment. She wants me to be discerning about who I give my energy, time, and resources to. So, in my humble opinion, I feel like the Moon in Taurus is all about discernment and being mindful of where you spend your energy, who you give your time and resources to, and what you consume. 

The Six of Pentacles asks us to balance giving and taking. And with the scales representing the Justice card, it is also about reaping what you sow. Meanwhile, the Moon in Taurus asks us to feel slowly. Be discerning about what we consume and what we put out into the world. 

The Hierophant doesn't just decide what or who is worthy of his attention. He knows where his attention goes and needs to be. He feels it is his duty to give back what he has cultivated and consumed. 

So, in a nutshell, the Six of Pentacles / second decan in Taurus taught me:

• To be discerning of where, who, and what I give my energy, time, and resources to, as well as be discerning of what I consume.
• That I am all three people in the Six of Pentacles card: the giver, the receiver, and the beggar. And we all are the giver, the receiver, and the beggar everyday. And bring discernment into each of these roles.
• That I reap what I sow.
• And that it's a duty to give back with what you receive in abundance.

I hope you are enjoying these Decan walk posts! And maybe you're learning something, too, I hope. Next week, I will share some poems I have written lately (in case you're just here for poetry).

Celebrating One Year of Blogging: My Favorite Posts from 2025-2026

 

I can't believe that on Thursday, May 7th, it will be one year since I started blogging. While my Queen of Swords tarot blog didn't last, this one did. And this is the blog I am most proud of because it displays all facets of my writing. I write poetry and share my prose/essays. I recently hit 7300 viewers in my first year. April was the best month ever with reaching 1,006 views. 

I would like to reflect on my favorite blog posts from the past year. So if you're new here, these posts are worth checking out! Let's get out the champagan (remember Futurama?) and celebrate!

One Year Later: A Letter to Hospitalized Me from One Year Later Me

Summary: This was a poem/letter I wrote to myself on the anniversary of my 2024 suicide attempt. It's a raw and emotional piece. My favorite line was this: 

All of your struggles will not be in vain

Your voice is heard and you matter

Last week, I had a pity party because I shared something I wrote from The Breaking Strain on Instagram and my personal Facebook page. No one commented. Not even a "this sucks". My books don't have many reviews, not even 1-star reviews. I should be grateful for no negative feedback, but silence is a writers worst fear. More than rejection. More than criticism. Silence means nothing landed. People felt indifferent. And this was exactly the same type of silence I was experiencing before my suicide attempt on the night of June 13, 2024. The only thing different is I am not lighting the fuse to self-destruct. I caught myself before spiraling. Eventually, I found solace in Neely O'Hara (Patty Duke) in Valley of the Dolls and picked up my copy of Valley of the Dolls novel and started reading it for the first time. I cried, and then I went to sleep. The next day, I felt better. I woke up to good news on my blog that confirms the last line about my voice being heard. My voice is being heard!

How My Elementary School Teacher Inspired Me to Become a Writer

Summary: In this blog post, I talk about how my elementary school teacher, Mrs. Jill Welch, encouraged my writing and made me notice the author career path. Mrs. Welch is still my favorite teacher and person to this day. This is the most popular post I have ever written to date on this blog. When I showed this blog to Mrs. Welch, she felt elated and flattered. She told me it made her morning when she read it. Mrs. Welch is one of those special souls kids are lucky and blessed to encounter. She makes everyone feel special with her kindness and inclusivity philosophy. She recently lost her oldest son, Logan, to a horrendous murder in November 2025. Here is a special story about Logan and how an anonymous donor donated $20,000 for a scholarship to Grand Blanc / Holy Family students in his honor. This should never have happened to Mrs. Welch, and my heart aches for her family so much. I cannot imagine losing a child, and it's even harder to comprehend a close family member being murdered. In 1993, someone murdered my aunt Angela Tate and threw her body in the Flint River. I didn't know my aunt Angie very well. She was married to my Uncle Mike, who passed away in 1977, before I was born. I just cannot fathom what my cousins went through losing their mom and dad as children.

Letters to People from My Past, Present, and Future

Summary: Okay, I gotta admit these poems were cheesy! But it was a perfect cheese, like mozzarella melted on a pizza. My favorite poem out of all three poems was "A Letter to Almost...But Not Quite", which was written to someone in my past, which my book, The Breaking Strain is based. I got a lot of feedback on this post on Instagram saying they loved the idea of writing letters and turning it into poetry.

October Poem Dump

Summary: A poem dump of all my poetry about horrible relationships I've been in. Looking back, a lot of these relationships were self-inflicted. Especially the emotionally manipulative ex. The only relationship that wasn't self-inflicted was my rape. I thought he liked me, and I was scared to say "no". He later threatened to make my life a living hell if I told anyone what had happened that October night. By the way, my math is horrible. I thought it was 26 years. It's only been 25 years since that happened to me.

I Look Horrible (and I Don't Need You to Fix It!)

Summary: An essay about how trying to put a positive spin on negative feelings doesn't always work. Especially when concerning physical appearance. This was inspired after I showed my friend Justin the picture of my dad and I that is posted in this blog. I said I looked horrible. He downplayed it and say I was still cute. I was not in the right headspace for a compliment. I just wanted to express how I looked as well as how I was feeling. I wasn't fishing for compliments or trying to flirt (seriously, why do people say women are flirting when they say they look horrible???!).

From Then to Pen: Poetry Pieces from Specific Times in My Life

Summary: This was a prompt from ChatGPT. I asked ChatGPT to give me prompts from specific times in my life, and I wrote poems about them. I wrote about being 17 (my favorite poem I wrote out of these) titled I Thought 17 Would Be Fun, after graduating high school, and being obsessed with social media. So from age 17, 18, and 28-35.

December Poem Dump

Summary: Another poetry dump. My favorite poem is Life. I wrote it while my dad was in the hospital. It was one of the grieving poems I wrote that I decided to share. Honorable mentions: I'm Lucky I Have Me and Whiskers.

My Journey with Food as an Autistic Woman

Summary: Just some messy prose on what it's like having issues with food as someone on the autism spectrum. I had a tough time writing about this. Fears of judgement and generalization. I didn't want to generalize all autistic people. But I also didn't want to be judged for my experience as an ASD person. I didn't want this post to make me less or more of an autistic person or invalidate other autistic's experiences.

Love Poems & Prose

Summary: Happier and romance-filled poetry for my favorite holiday, Valentine's Day. My favorite poem: For Better and For Chaos. Honorable Mentions: Battle Scars, Her Magic Still Lingers, and Fated.

Progress! (+ a couple new poems I wrote)

Summary: I announce my projects I'm working on currently in 2026. And I share a couple new poems I've written. Worth the read! I have since put 90s Child on hold and focusing entirely on The Breaking Strain.

Spirituality Isn't an Aesthetic (hint: it's a way of living)

Summary: I write about how social media spirituality is performative spirituality. And that real spirituality comes from living and realignment. I make a tragic confession and use that as an example of how I realigned myself. Last month, this post exploded on my blog, pushing my views past a thousand and reaching 7,300 views in my first year of blogging. I am most proud of this essay the most because I show the real me here. Not the polished version.