I Look Horrible...(and I Don't Need You to Fix it!): A prose on how compliments can invalidate women's feelings

 

My Facebook post from my personal page that says "When I say I look horrible, I am not fishing for compliments. I am saying I look horrible. Don't argue with me and call me "cute."

I am no longer afraid to say, "I look horrible" or "I feel horrible." And no, I do not need you to say, "You're cute!", and other well-meaning compliments and positive validation.

I used to always feel low about how I looked. The old me would have smiled softly when a fellow woman would say I was pretty. And I would soak up the compliment even more if a man told me I was still beautiful on days I didn't like my stomach or I had just finished crying my eyes out. 

Now I am taking my power back. I no longer require validation or compliments to "cover up" how I feel about myself when I take selfies with my dad or when I'm on the psych ward crying my eyes out after a suicide attempt. I'm going to say, "I look horrible, and that's okay." I don't need to be polished and perfect when life is falling apart or I am not in the most flattering of lighting.

When a woman says, "I look horrible", "I'm a mess", "I feel bad", this is not attention seeking. She is simply expressing parts of herself she doesn't love right now. And that's okay. 

She is not insecure. She isn't low-key "flirting" (really??). She is just expressing how she views herself or feels at this moment. Do not come in and try to "rescue her" (unless she asks for it). Let her feel what she feels and listen to her. When she's self-abusive, gently remind her, but let her feel her emotions.

Saying "I look horrible", "I feel bad", "I'm a mess" is NOT abuse! It's a temporary emotion. She can have bad days when her outfit isn't cute, or life is chaotic with a sick parent or colicky baby. 

Eventually, she bounces back from these moments. She feels good about herself. She loves her body. She has a day where the math is mathing and her asshole cats aren't knocking vases off the table.

She is allowed to feel bad. She is allowed to validate her own beauty and self-worth. She is allowed to express herself in any way she chooses and make you feel uncomfortable. Don't rush and fix her. Don't say, "You're gorgeous! Turn that frown upside down!" Instead, say, "I love you no matter what, and I will always be here."

A picture of my dad and I on his first good day in the hospital. Yes, he's still in the hospital. I am making a dumb face, and yes, I look horrible with frizzy poofy hair and the awkward smile. But I cherish this picture because it reminds me of the first good day my dad had in the two weeks he's been in the hospital.

Tell me, do you get upset when you're feeling horrible or think you look bad and someone pipes up and says "Aww, you're cute!" or "Shut up! You look good!" or other variations? Let me know in the comments! Let's vent together! I can't be the only one who feels like this!