An Update (and some good freakin' poetry!)

 

Remember last September when my dad fell in the shower? Well things haven't been the same since. He was hospitalized in November of 2025 until December 3, 2025. And then he had walking pneumonia and was admitted for the weekend in January 2026. But I am happy to announce that my dad is seeing a neurologist at the VA. And he is going to be checked for Parkinson's. Parkinson's runs in our family. My grandpa Jim had it. My grandma Donna had it for a long time before she passed away in 2015. And I have an older cousin who has Parkinson's and he was using alcohol to numb the tremors. 

He goes to the VA in October so I am praying we'll have answers as to what the heck happened to my dad?! It's not easy watching a parent grow older and become essentially a weak verison of themselves. It's scary to watch your dad slowly die because of Agent Orange and being addicted to cigarettes (but hey, we all have our vices). 

I have been hard at work helping around the house. I am my mom's CNA. My mom is "Doctor Mom" from the Robitussin commercials in the 1980s and early 90s.

It just feels like I've been placed on a curse because I wronged a witch (even though she got to come with us and meet Jordan Knight and the rest of the New Kids On The Block!). So I am rebuking her curse. I got Jesus and God and Mother Mary and Mary Magdalene. 

Meanwhile, I've had three hospitalizations in the psych ward between July and August. I'm now in the process of filing for disability. I plan on supporting whatever SSD doesn't cover by working part-time. Either as a writer or my new service: life coaching. 

"Life coaching? But your life sucks! You live in a tiny shack on the bad side of Burton, Michigan!" Thank you for the comment, brain!

My life doesn't suck at all. Matter of fact, I have been happy with it (maybe a little too extremely happy with it as I was hyper manic and went into psychosis again). I've got a man who likes me. I've got food. I've got shelter. I've got clothes. I've got an extended family that loves the crap out of me. And my man's mother loves me. She called me an angel the other day because I brought her over a regular can of Coke. Steve is diabetic and tends to only drink Coke Zero. So I snuck over a regular coke and she was so happy. She always misses me and she genuinely cares about me.  

I am grateful for my life. I'm grateful for my parents. God gave me the best :-P Even though I thought they admitted me into the hospital the last time I was there in Grand Rapids Michigan. 

My friend on the psych ward in Grand Rapids, who was also my neighbor, says I should write about the psych ward experience. Being in here 3 times. Maybe someday I'll write about it. I just don't want to get sued or anything *snickers*. 

I tell you, Grand Rapids looks better and better every day. Not in the psych ward. But they have a lot of resources for disabled people. More resources than Genesee County. Maybe someday, me and Steve can live in Baldwin or Grand Rapids on our farm / horse ranch. Did I just say that out loud?! Oh myyyyy. Hell, there is little evidence that Steve is going to marry me someday. There's little evidence that we are boyfriend/girlfriend or man and woman friends lol. Right now, we both have a lot on our plate. He's becoming a grandfather for the first time. He's trying to become a sobriety coach because he believes he is Superman and he has a purpose. And you know what? He is Superman. And he's He-Man. I am Teela. And I am Supergirl. Joey McIntyre wrote that song about me! LOL (just kidding! I'm sure he wrote that song for his wife). 

Steve earned a new nickname in the ward as I was getting mad at him for no reason at all. And I would call him "King Dorkus" or "King Dorkus of Nowyorkas." He doesn't deserve that nickname. But I like it because it rhymes and it reminds me of the old cartoon The Critic.  The episode where Sherman has a date with an actress and she ends up just using him for a good review on her newest movie. "Beauty and King Dork". That's what I meant to call us. I am beauty and he is King Dork. LOL.   And that pretty much escaped me the whole two weeks I was at Pine Rest. 

Did I tell you about the "kid" (he was like 19 or 20) and I thought he looked like Harry Styles?! He would give me the evil eye because I kept cracking up laughing at him because he looked like Harry Styles. And I honestly thought he spoke a British accent LMAOROFL!

And then not to mention this: VAN ANDEL LOAD THIS VIOLET (violent unit in my head) UNIT! GO GREEN! (I seriously thought they were starting a war between Michigan and Michigan State fans) 🤣🤣🤣

And the person shouting out that code...he sounded so pissed off! LMAOROFL. Because it might have been AI or some stupid crap like that.

Ugh it's 1:46 AM and I am trying to tire myself out. So here I am, writing a nonsense post about the psych ward and my dad and how much time has already passed. I missed summer pretty much because I was hospitalized. No walking to the ice cream parlor for banana splits with Steve. No lavender field trips. But the time I did get to spend with Steve in between hospitalizations...was beautiful. I love being at his house. His mom is fun to talk to and is more of a mother to me than my own mom. And it's because she's also bipolar. And she goes to therapy and is always doing the work. When I first met her, after me and Steve's first date, she gave me some great advice that I needed to hear. She told me "STOP MAKING EXCUSES FOR OTHER PEOPLE". I have yet to embody that advice. But I am taking it to heart because she knows. And Steve has a heart of gold, but sometimes I wonder if he just tolerates me and I just make excuses for him for having such a heavy plate. 

Anywho...here are some poems I've written over the summer in between being home and being hospitalized. Enjoy! And gold star ⭐for everyone who continues to read!

God Is a DJ
By: Samantha Jean Tate

God is my DJ tonight.

He's taken over my playlists

Plays "Fly" because it's my time to fly

Get out of this popsicle stand

Move away from a city that has tortured me relentlessly 

Find some place where I belong

God is my DJ, ladies and gentlemen

He wants me to have a dance off

with Bruno Mars and Ariana fucking Grande

Then He plays the Bruno Mars slow songs

Songs I want to dance with him

And get my Versace dress on the floor

And be made love to for the one millionth time by someone who actually gives a damn.

I no longer want to cry to Valentine Girl

I want flowers sent to me

I want a sparkle in my eye

I wanna know how you feel.

God is my DJ tonight

And God tells me "I have loved you for a thousand years and I will love you more for a thousand more".

Bitching and Moaning (Inspired by Taylor Swift's song "But Daddy I Love Him" on The Tortured Poets Department album.

Tired of the bitchin' and moanin'

Exhausted of tap dancing around fuckin' idiots

Restless because I need him

"But Daddy I love him!"

"No you don't! You're a lunatic!"

"But Daddy, he is my person!"

"You're crazy! You don't know love! You're slow!"

"Mama, I love him"

"He doesn't love you and wants you to stay away from him"

"No he doesn't mom! What did he say exactly?"

The Sixth Sense

Prompt by ggreneewrites and writingthelayers on Instagram.

Have you ever watched "The Sixth Sense?"

Some days, I feel like shouting "I see stupid people!"

But then I remember

We all have bad moods and struggles

No one can save us but us

This is your reminder

To always be kind,

be grateful for your lot in life,

and to always trust your intuition.

Someday we'll all come across a Donnie Wahlberg or a Taylor Swift

Who just wants us to be happy

But I Lost You

"Ruh oh! She's in one of her moods...

Again!"

I screamed your name at the top of my lungs

But I lost you

I climbed the highest mountain and swam deep in the ocean

But I lost you

I walked along the highway after midnight with you

But you couldn't keep up with me

So I lost you.

I yelled my boundaries

Told you I get attached easily

You said we're friends helping friends

But I lost you the moment I fell in love.

You don't like me sad or angry

My voice roared like thunder

You gave me a look

But then I lost you

I was the bad girl all along

You were the nice man

But I lost you.

Times Arrows

Prompt by lyrics.and.laces on Instagram

Times arrows fly past me

I'm getting grayer

My parents are vanquishing their 70s.

My niece and nephew are young adults!

Times arrows fly past me

Like Cupid trying to find my perfect match.

It seems hopeless.

But it really isn't.

As I think I found a match

Without his help.

Times arrows fly past me

Tick-tocking and rocking

In my rocker

Painting watercolor rainbows

To remind me to dance in the rain

And earn that prism light!

WHO IS ABSENT?

"Mom"

"Moooooom"

"MOOOOOOMMMM!"

"Dad"

"Daddy?"

"daaaaaaaaaaad"

Where are my parents,

whose presence is gone.

They abandoned me!

For I am a full-grown woman.

Too Damn Much

I'm damaged goods.

He can't even tell me

I'm beautiful.

I'm too much for him.

Too much...for that guy on the corner.

Too much for my family.

Too much for my "friends".

Everyone drifts away when their cupeth overflows!

But I am left

High 'n dry!

For once I would...

Love a foot rub

A neck massage

To be made love to and love and

be loved in return.

The Liberal DemonCrat

It's hard bein' a liberal woman

In today's world.

Especially in the U.S.

Where men want to impregnate you

And enslave.

Or burn you at the stake

Because you're witchy!

It's difficult being a liberal woman

In the United States of America

Where to the Republic

For which it stands

One nation. Under God.

Indivisible!

You can't brainwash a liberal, independent woman!

Especially me!

Lavender Field Daydreams

It's still my dream to be in the lavender fields with you.

Being on a picnic, smelling the flowery aroma,

Taking in the country pink and purple-colored sunsets,

You in your best shirt, me in a sundress,

You on one knee, asking to marry me.

I say "yes!"

We share a passionate kiss,

as two become one.

Freedom

He gives me the courage

To be me.

The real me.

I don't have to wear my mask.

I don't have to be anxious.

I trust him.

Trust him enough to break my heart.

And know,

That in the end,

Everything's okay.

Clean

Clean doesn't begin to cover it

Three months strong

Don't need your toxic masculinity

Back in my life

I'm not the woman you knew anymore

She can't be pushed around

Or easily swayed

Your dogma no longer holds

Over me

I take responsibility

For my role

But you sir, I can say

That I am finally clean

Washed of you!

All poems copyright 2026 Samantha Jean Tate Enterprises LLC. All rights reserved.