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For now, let's get underway with 3 things I loved about June 2025!
3 Things I Loved About June 2025
1. No shortage of creativity.
I've been tapping into my emotions and turining the pain I've been feeling into some poetry and prose. My emotional state has been kind of on the down side and a lot of what I've written, is written for me. I don't know if I will ever share the poems I wrote for me (as some are just too depressing and would probably not interest readers). It's been a very helpful coping skill. I have also created some pieces to share publicly too, when it is time.
2. "Meet Me In the Lavender Fields" -- a poem I wrote when I was feeling romantic feels and all lovey-dovey from seeing an advertisement to have a dinner date at lavender at Romeo Lavender Farm in Michigan (google it!). I will be happy to share this poem with you today :-)
Meet Me In the Lavender Fields
By: Samantha Jean Tate
Copyright 2025 Samantha Jean Tate All Rights Reserved. Please e-mail statewrites84912@gmail.com for permission to use.
You left a note on the kitchen table,
"Meet me in the Lavender Fields. Wear your best dress. You bring yourself, and I'll bring the wine".
Curious.
I walk out to the field of lavender, its fragrance dancing in my nose.
There you are.
In your best white shirt, tie, and khakis.
Barefooted. Grounding into the earth.
A blanket has been set up with a cute little picnic basket sitting on top.
I sit down,
You pour me a glass of wine.
"After years of wrong turns and almosts. After heartbreaks and missed chances. After searching in all the wrong places. Here's to us. We finally found each other", you toast.
Clink.
A kiss. Warm. Soft. Real.
Our tongues intertwine with the taste of aged wine.
The beauty of the lavender flowers surrounds us,
Its aroma more intoxicating than the wine.
We feel relaxed and enjoy each other's company.
We feast on fried chicken, cooked spinach, and raw carrots.
For dessert, chocolate strawberry cake--
and each other.
Making love in the lavender fields.
Your earthy, familiar smell invigorates me,
turning me on along with the lavender scent.
The sun basking on my vanilla skin.
I'll never forget this date.
And when we're apart I'll close my eyes,
and return to that place.
I'll meet you in the lavender fields...again.
3. I have a three-way tie for three. I like my new therapist, Becca, New Kids On The Block's Step By Step album, and I absolutely am loving treating myself to some milk chocolate M&M's on my hard, emotional days.
Becca is my new therapist who uses DBT alongside talk therapy. I found her on Psychology Today's website. I've only had one session with her right now as of this writing, but I felt seen and understood more. While Candace, my old therapist, was a wonderful therapist, I didn't feel as seen with her like I do with Becca. Becca is also on the autism spectrum and that is very helpful. Her speciality is also working with autistic spectrum adults. I feel like this is the therapist I've needed my whole life. And now it's time to catch up.
New Kids On The Block are celebrating the 35th anniversary of their album Step By Step being released. This is my second album of theirs I owned growing up. I got the tape for my 6th birthday along with a jumbo sized birthday card "from them". I enjoyed revisiting this album and listening to the unreleased tracks. The ballad I Love My Girl makes me get in my feels and I feel like I'm on the bleachers waiting for my crush to ask me to slow dance to this song. Needless to say, this got put on my Knight of Wands Only spotify playlist (music I am listening to manifest a healthy relationship).
And lastly, I've been using M&M's to cope. Now mind you, I am a diabetic, so I have to be careful of when to indulge. I indulge only when I am having an emotionally hard day (like last night as of this writing). I had a 16oz glass of fat-free milk and a handful of milk chocolate M&M's and I felt a little better. Other favorite foods have been cheese pizza from Little Caesaers, quarter pounder meals from McDonald's, bananas, and turkey, provolone, spinach sub sandwiches with yellow mustard.
And now for the one thing I aboslutely hated this month...
My emotions.
I've just been feeling all kind of feels. I'm entering my seasonal depression stage. I was hypomanic for two months. And now I am coming down and just sad, lonely, and everything in between. It doesn't help that I reached back out to my ex, Justin, just to get some kind of closure and he ended up spiraling when I told him I needed space and I wasn't comfortable with his conservative nationalism. I reached out to him because I had just made a post on Instagram about my one year since my suicide attempt. I was feeling all sorts of feelings after that post and I craved someone familiar and comfortable, not necessarily safe. So I e-mailed him. We talked on the phone the next day, and he threw at me that he's a conservative nationalist. No thank you. So instead of starting an argument, I walked away. Blocked him. He e-mailed me on Monday last week and wondered where I went. I responded. He spiraled and blamed me for changing the goal posts and for not telling him I needed space. He completely glossed over that it was my suicide attempt anniversary when I reached out to him. He went into talking about how much he missed me and how drawn he is to me and how I am his soulmate. He never asked me how I was feeling. He didn't say "I'm glad you're still here". Nothing. He just glossed right over it, focusing on him and his feelings. I also said "Quit being a cold-hearted, logical, emotionless asshole". It was the truth he needed to hear.
And that, my faithful lurkers, is what I loved about June and what I absolutely hated this month. I'll see you next month!
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